What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. This ability to express and control your emotions is essential, but so is the ability to understand, interpret, and respond to the emotions of others.

Identify and manage your emotions. While much of this involves self awareness, maturity and self regulation, EI is a skill to practice. This discussion should be inspiring, not shaming. When pursuing Biblical living in the everyday, it is critical that you and I practice EI. Imagine sitting down for a conversation with your favorite, yummy drink. How is your EI?

Many believe that emotional intelligence is much more important to success in life than a high IQ. Intuitiveness is a natural gift for some, but it can also be learned and practiced. Since I am a perpetual learner, this social skill highly fascinates me.

Many of these ideas are inspired from an article from Very Well Mind.

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What are the Signs of Emotional Intelligence?

Some key signs and examples of emotional intelligence include:

• An ability to identify and describe what people are feeling
• An awareness of personal strengths and limitations
• Self-confidence and self-acceptance
• Identification of social rules or social norms (This can be additionally challenging with navigating cultural differences in an unfamiliar social group. I experienced this consistently as a third culture kid. When you are new to an environment, befriend someone who can educate you on the “do’s” and “don’ts.” Grow cultural awareness.)
• The ability to let go of mistakes
• An ability to accept and embrace change
• A strong sense of curiosity, particularly about other people
• Feelings of empathy and concern for others
• Showing sensitivity to the feelings of other people
• Accepting responsibility for mistakes
• The ability to manage emotions in difficult situations

Tests to measure EI are both self assessment as well as professional social competency tests.

A person high in EI is not impulsive or hasty with their actions. Keeping a steady emotion state comes from regulating responses to extremes such as anger, anxiety and depression. High EI invites a balance to the seriousness of life. Those with these skills can offer a light hearted response to a heavy situation. They can switch gears internally as well and externally. This intelligence is critical to overall success. They tend to be more strategic in making decisions. Some might say that EI people make better decisions because they are emotionally aware.

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What is the Value of Emotional Intelligence?

Think Before Reacting – Imagine if you could pause before reacting to consider how the words or actions would be received. The pause could give you time to assess the audience to contemplate the best response. Remembering that emotions are volatile and somewhat temporary allows a more thoughtful response. (Prove 29:11 –

Greater Self Awareness – Understanding a broader view of yourself and those around you gives you the best selection as you choose your reaction and words.

Empathy for Others – Perhaps one of the greatest skills is the ability to see outside your life and place yourself in the place of others. Understanding the differences and perspective of others deepens your own appreciation.

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How Can I Use Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence can be used in many different ways in your daily life. Some different ways to practice emotional intelligence include:

• Being able to accept criticism and responsibility
• Being able to move on after making a mistake
• Being able to say no when you need to
• Being able to share your feelings with others
• Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone
• Having empathy for other people
• Having great listening skills
• Knowing why you do the things you do
• Not being judgemental of others

Emotional intelligence is essential for good interpersonal communication. Some experts believe that this ability is more important in determining life success than IQ alone. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to strengthen your own social and emotional intelligence.

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What are the Action Steps to a Higher Emotional Intelligence?

Listen. Pay attention to what people are saying verbally and non-verbally. Listen until the person is completely finished with their thoughts. Be a people watcher. Be an active listener. Be a responsive listener.

Ask someone close to you what they think are your best qualities and one quality that you can improve. This may seem risky, but being teachable and receptive to the insight of those close to you is invaluable to really possessing EI. Embrace growth.

Empathize. Think of what others need so you can offer practical help.

Think about others more than you think about yourself. Be less self conscience. People don’t care as much as you imagine.

Observe body language. Learn about body language. Identify when body language matches or contradicts a person’s words.

If you are a parent, interact with your children to help them understand other people. Basically, teach a child through their everyday experiences to develop emotional intelligence.

Practice identifying and self regulating your own emotions.

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Understanding emotions can be the key to better relationships, improved well-being, and stronger communication skills. Remember that people, including you and me, want to be seen, heard and understood. Value authenticity. Undoubtedly, developing emotional intelligence improves our human interactions. Here’s the greatest take away…You get to control your emotions and reactions so they do not control you.

Join us for a conversation on Embrace Your Everyday podcast.

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