As a parent, I desire to love my children well. Aggravating them to anger as a consistent behavior is something I actively avoid. As a mother of five children, I have definitely confronted anger in my children. This struggle led me to seek wisdom on this topic.
Anger in a child is a real response. While God holds each of us, even a child, responsible for his or her sin, God does hold parents 100% responsible for the sins which provoked him to that anger. These 25 ways that parents provoke their children to anger were taken from Lou Priolo’s book on The Heart of Anger.
- Lack of Marital Harmony
- Establishing and Maintenance of a Child-Centered Home
- Modeling Sinful Anger
- Habitually Disciplining While Angry
- Scolding
- Being Inconsistent with Discipline
- Having a Double Standard (Do as I say, not as I do.)
- Being Legalistic
- Not Admitting You’re Wrong and Not Asking for Forgiveness
- Constantly Finding Fault
- Parent Reversing God-Given Roles
- Not Listening to Your Child’s Opinion or Taking His or Her “Side of the Story” Seriously
- Comparing Them to Others
- Not Making Time “Just to Talk”
- Not Praising or Encouraging Your Child
- Failing to Keep Your Promises
- Punishing in Front of Others
- Not Allowing Enough Freedom
- Allowing Too Much Freedom
- Mocking Your Child
- Abusing Them Physically
- Ridiculing or Name Calling
- Unrealistic Expectations
- Practicing Favoritism
- Child Training With Worldly Methodologies Inconsistent With God’s Word
Looking honestly at this list begs the question, “Am I provocative?” As a parent I intended to love my children well and raise them according to Biblical principles. As a parent of grown children, I still want to avoid provoking my children to anger.
What should a parent do if they realise that they have provoked a child to anger?
- Identify the specific ways you have provoked your child to anger. Eph 6:4
- Confess these things to God. I John 1:9
- Ask your child’s forgiveness for your sins against him or her.
- Develop a plan with your child’s assistance to replace those sinful behaviors with their Biblical alternatives. Proverbs 28:13
- Consider specific ways you can provoke your children to love and good works. Hebrews 10:24
Identifying any wrong behavior on my part as a parent is incredibly important. I aim to live blameless. This begs humility and a commitment to authenticity. Loving my children well means that communication on this topic must remain open to self examination on this topic as well as others.
More on Parenting:
Talking to Your Children About Dating
Whose Job is It Anyway? The Spiritual Formation of a Child?
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