What is gratitude?
Does gratitude come naturally?
How can more gratitude change my life?
What is affirming?
Does affirming come naturally?
How can affirming naturally grow gratitude?
The big idea is that gratitude toward others leads to affirming them which is followed by positive emotions for all. Increased social skills and an expansion in your community add greatly to your emotional well-being as well as others. Affirming is a win-win for everyone.
Let’s start with an understanding of gratitude. A gratitude attitude might be defined as appreciation or thankfulness. Regardless of what is happening to us, we can choose to be grateful. Our minds are a powerful force. Intentionality is not just a clever organization hack, it is a habit that can literally create a host of positive outcomes in your everyday life and relationships. In all situations, there is positive light. While thinking about the positive is not our human nature, it can become a practiced habit. Perhaps you have heard the idea that it is not so much what happens to a person as how they react. Most people remember a reaction more that the situation.
Negative thinking like “poor me” or comparison or envy (Yes, envy is a dominate evil quality) can marinate into your emotions, your body and quickly, your reactions. Our thinking habits are either healthy or unhealthy. What are your thinking pattern? Toxic thinking destroys. Renewal through neuroplasticity works. If your thoughts lean toward the negative, force new habits of positivity. Your life is much what you make of it based on your reactions and choices. Your everyday choices accumulate into the outcome of your life.
Affirming indicates offering encouragement or strength through vocalizing positive thoughts. These ideas can be communicated through the spoken word, the written or recorded word. Affirming either privately or publicly generates immediate positive energy. This habit builds gratitude within the recipient as well as the giver. Identifying the most significant recipient is highly debatable!! Gifting life-giving words generously just might become your new favorite superpower. Try it.
This habit is critical in our immediate family. Start with your parents, your spouse, your children, your siblings and all extended family. Family relationships are the most important part of your everyday life. Practice affirming on your co-workers, roommates, neighbors, near-neighbors, church friends, people you interact with once and just anyone who is in your path.
Some people are naturally sunshiny or filled with positive energy. Some people instinctively communicate with strong people skills. Some people innately communicate the good they see in others. Even when they know the ugly about a person, they confirm the positive privately and publicly. Practicing discretion and sharing only what is the best about a person takes self-control and practice. When someone knows negative things about a person, but they only share the positive information, a strong sense of loyalty toward the mature, discrete person immediately develops.
Pause and consider how you would want to be treated by someone who knows less than stellar things about you. Loyalty in family and friendship is critical to being a person of character and quality. Aim to be the bigger person.
If gratitude and affirming are your qualities naturally, consider yourself prepared for a large pack of friends. If gratitude and affirming do not spontaneously flow out of your mouth, here are some practical ideas to grow this skill. When you speak well of others, they tend to follow up with like comments regarding you. What goes around, comes around. Protect those who are being poorly treated by hateful speech by contrasting with uplifting conversation regarding the unkind communication. Remember, growing your talent stack will grow your success in all areas of your life.
Not surprisingly, the Bible is not silent on this topic. Philippians 4: 8 ESV states, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Break it down.
Our words should be
- true
- honorable
- just
- pure
- lovely
- commendable
- excellent
- worthy of praise
Notice that the standard for sharing is not simply, “Is it true?” How many poor choices occur under the guise of sharing something true. The following markers eliminate much of what is dominate in many conversations.
According to Stamford Advocate the 4 A’s of gratitude are appreciation, approval, admiration and attention. Starting thinking about these areas related to the people you know and love. Listen to your words. What do you hear? If you could record all of the words that you say today, would we hear mostly positive, affirming grateful words or the outcome be negative, critical words? To learn this skill, work on one of these areas daily for a while until they become innately part of your thought patterns.
Affirming may change your life.
To increase positive feelings toward others express
- Appreciation
- Approval
- Admiration
- Attention
Sincere thoughtful words toward others reflect that they are seen, heard, known, appreciated and celebrated. Select one quality to increase in your daily communication of affirmation.
Who benefits from affirming words? Of course, those receiving the appreciation, approval, admiration and attention. Surprisingly, the giver of those words also encounters increased gratitude. Do you brag on others behind their back? Growing my grateful heart moves my eyes away from who a person isn’t and focuses on who they are.
Affirming others increases my gratitude for them and focuses on positive qualities. Let’s practice identifying character qualities or skills and add a specific instance to spotlight it.
I might say:
- “You showed discretion last night at the cookout when you shared positive qualities of your co-worker who has been problematic lately.”
- “You are a woman of integrity. I noticed how you handled that situation with your friend.”
- “Your pottery is really skillful. I am amazed at the beautiful pieces that you create. I would love to use that new pot for our refreshed bathroom space.”
- “Your financial savvy is evident by that purchase you just snagged.”
- “Your hard work ethic is evidenced by the raise you were given so quickly in your new job.”
- “You are a great mom. I see the happiness in your children because you create fun, outdoor activities for them daily.”
- “Your kindness is a one of your superpowers as evidenced by how you helped that woman with her dog.”
- “You are so thoughtful to notice that I needed new boots. I appreciate your attentiveness.”
- “Thank you for cleaning the kitchen. Your initiative really saved me!! I feel so loved!!”
- “Thank you for cleaning my car. Your attentiveness to detail is one of your gifts.”
- “Thank you for helping me check mom’s brakes. Your ability to troubleshoot and fix vehicles is impressive.”
- “Your sourdough bread is honestly the best I have ever eaten. What a gifted baker you are!!”
- “Thank you for sharing your professional production skills and talented voice with me as we produce podcasts together. I deeply admire your talents!” (This one is for my man Tim.)
Notice the sincerity. Notice the character quality stated highlighted by a distinct application.
Who needs to hear affirming words? Who needs more gratitude?
- Mom
- Dad
- brother
- sister
- aunt
- uncle
- grandparents
- cousins
- any family member
- spouse
- your child
- other children
- friends
- roommates
- co-workers
- neighbors
- near neighbors
- people you meet one time
- church friends
- anyone in your community
“As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Proverbs 23:7 The power of our thoughts highlights our heart posture. Our thought habits determine our integrity and actions. The outflow of our heart in our words can be trained to be grateful and affirm. While the focus has been on affirming others in this content, this habit can be equally be applied toward your quiet, self-focused thoughts.
Let the attitude of gratitude be developed by affirming!
Gratitude may be your new superpower!!
Join the conversation on Embrace Your Everyday podcast.
More inspiration:
Toxic Thinking: Renewal Through Neuroplasticity
Books on Amazon:
Nurturing My Nest: Intentional Homebuilding and Custom Built Education
comments +