God created you and me to live in community.
To love each other
To be loved by each other
For the gospel
For the opportunity to love each other
For me and you to know we are loved
Simply, we were made for human connection.
Let’s explore the definitions to “creating a culture of belonging”:
Creating – bringing something into existence (Oxford Dictionary), to invest, to originate, to invent, to produce
Culture – the holistic combination of learned and shared beliefs, values, and practices that create cohesion in a group, (study.com)
Belonging – the emotional sense of fitting in, being accepted, and feeling valued as an important member of a group, such as family, friends, or a workplace. It encompasses psychological security, inclusion, and the ability to be one’s authentic self. (Cornell University)
What do we think about when we imagine this sort of human behavior?
Inclusion, contribution, identity, emotional connection
Friendship, familiarity,
A warm welcome
So… “Creating a Culture of Belonging” means that we are invited to invest in a community of others by bringing cohesion, value inclusion and a safe place for vulnerability.
Biblical wisdom for the value of doing the work it takes to build this community.
The “One Another” Commands: The New Testament contains dozens of commands focused on connection, such as
- loving one another (1 Peter 1:22),
- serving one another (Galatians 5:13), and
- bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
Intentionality & Friendship: Building deep connections requires commitment, such as the friendship between
- Jonathan and David
- Ruth and Naomi.
- Proverbs 18:24 emphasizes a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
- Proverbs 27:17 means that good friendships enhance and improve individuals through mutual challenge, encouragement, and accountability, just as iron sharpens iron through friction.
- This interaction refines character, strengthens faith, and builds wisdom, but it requires honest feedback, constructive criticism, and sometimes uncomfortable accountability, leading to personal and spiritual growth rather than stagnation.
- Don’t walk into a room thinking about others are looking at you. Look around. Who needs encouragement? Who needs to be included? Who is new?
3 WHYS!!
- Because God loved me. As I recognize God’s great love for me, I am overwhelmed with his love. I am deeply impacted by my worth because of how God sees me. My gratitude pours over into loving others. My happiness is contagious. We can only walk through doors open to us.
- Connection – You and I were made for community. We were not made to be alone. We need others. They need us. Connection is life giving!
- Joy -Belonging brings joy. Investing in friendships boosts physical health, mental well-being, and longevity, reducing risks like heart attack and depression while increasing happiness. Friendships offer vital emotional support, reduce stress, enhance self-worth, and provide accountability for healthy habits. They also deepen personal joy, purpose, and community connection.
Most of these experiences are found in friendship. What are some of the identifiers of friendship?
8 “C’s” for Friendship
- Communication
- Commitment
- Consistency
- Conflict Resolution
- Care/Compassion
- Confidentiality
- Compatibility
- Character
All this talk about friendship begs the question of HOW can a culture of belonging be created?
HOW?
1. Act on Impulse. Invite a friend to a coffee, a road trip or an afternoon. Invite someone home from church. Make those muffins for a new mom. Keep frozen cookie dough in the freezer so you can pop out a tray of homemade cookies when a surprise visit occurs. Look for a lonely person who is missing their person. Lonely people are all around. Lonely people are all ages.
2. Be the friend you want to have. This is easy. What kind of friend do you love or would you love? So often we are waiting for others when we need to become a person first. Think kindness, reliability, confidentiality – some of those “C’s” we just discussed. Am I discreet, unselfish, putting in time to meet other’s needs.
3. Intentionality – Do one thing for someone else each day. Invite one person to one thing each week. Baby steps. Active love.
4. Be the last one to let go in a hug. Seriously, long hugs are the best! Be good at loving others well. Bring the positive.
5. Eyes of Compassion. Spend time thinking about life from other’s experiences. Empathy. Remember needs. Don’t forget those in a long season of sorrow, caregiving, special needs children, forgiveness of someone in their lives.
6. A Gratitude Game – Name each thing you are grateful for. Choose to renew your mind with gratitude. Be a positive person.
7. Practice Authenticity. Genuine. Warm. Open. Think of others instead of being self-conscience. No falsehood, but not a blabber mouth. Practice discretion. Be a vault. Share what is positive about others. When asked directly about something you don’t want to share answer, “That is not my story to share.” Protect others the way you want them to protect you!!
8. Help. One of the best ways to connect with others in to help someone. Show up to a move, a celebration or a hard time.Be present for happy and sad times. Celebrate and comfort. Take them food. Help them move.
Practice “Marble Jar” Friendships: Based on Daring Greatly by Brene’ Brown, trust is built over time through small, consistent moments of kindness and reliability, not just one big act. Imagine adding a marble for each moment you share. Soon your marble jar will begin to fill up. Use your judgement to manage your expectations with your capacity. Do what you can do well in your season.
9. Focus your conversation on others. Collect quality questions that invite others to open up.
- Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?
- What is your favorite thing about your home? Your…….?
- What has been the best part of your day? Your weekend?
- What are you learning about recently?
- If you had a superpower, what would it be?
- Are you working on any personal passion projects?
- What is the funniest thing that has happened to you lately?
- What is the best vacation you have taken?
- What is the best compliment you have ever received?
- If you could travel anywhere where would you go and why?
- What is one thing you are looking forward to this week? This year?
- What do you like best about this church? Our mutual friend? Your new home? Greenville? Living in SC?
10. Everyday Hospitality – Your version. Be prepared. Cook ahead. Keep food in your freezer or pantry for opportunities. Don’t think of what you can’t do. Think of what you can do. Cookies and milk. Pick up food. Routines in cleaning and cooking People are more interested in being welcomed than seeing your home. (See my practical suggestions in my Hum of the Home: Routines and Rhythms of Homemaking book.) How can we create a culture of belonging so that we can benefit from belonging?
We can only walk through doors that are open to us.
Others can only walk through our door if we open our door
I love music.
As I was preparing I thought of this song…
By Our Love by Christy Nockels
“Sisters, we were made for kindness
We can pierce the darkness as He shines through us.
We will come reaching, with a song of healing
And they will know us by our love!”
Did you know that you were made for kindness?
Is Christ’s love shining through you?
(When I think of a person who is shining, I think of joy. Are you radiating joy or something else?)
Who are you reaching?
Who needs healing?
Will you be known by your love?
“The time is now
Come Church arise
Love with His hands
See with His eyes…
Bind it around you,
Let it never leave you,
And they will know us by our love”
Read more inspiration and practical tips here:
Hospitality Habits: Easy Ideas for Hospitality
10 Ideas for Preparing for Overnight Guests
Join the conversation on the Embrace Your Everyday podcast:
Compliments that are NOT About Physical Appearance
Inspiring books available on Amazon:
Nurturing My Nest: Intentional Home Building and Custom Built Education
Hum of the Home: Routines and Rhythms and Homemaking
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